And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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