Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
