He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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