theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
