Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
