He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
