No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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