who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
