The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
