Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
