Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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