I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
this hospital has no fireball
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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