I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
