i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
