im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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