I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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