I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
