so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
