Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
