Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
