ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
