Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
