I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
