So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
