yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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