new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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