I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
