Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
