Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
A+ Viking dick
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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