who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
