You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
