i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize