so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
