started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
