Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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