Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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