some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
no, he came in my armpit
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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