I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
