DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
