i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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