I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
