Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
