Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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