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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
