In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
