its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
