Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
