I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
