i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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