We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
