Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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