Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
